Yesterday and today up until about three hours ago SUCKED HARDCORE.

Issue #1: Avery decided that no, she did not want formula anymore and breastmilk must be served to her in a way that will make her work the least. Fine. In order for her to not starve I will accomodate this. I still try to get to take my breast when it’s at its fullest so the milk will come out easier for her but she’s a quitter just like her mommy.

Issue #2: Avery also decided that she must have something in her mouth AT ALL TIMES. This is annoying because she can’t quite grip her pacifier or put it back in her mouth if she drops it so I am constantly rescuing the damn thing and giving it back to her.

Issue #3: She has to be held AT ALL TIMES. She will not fall asleep unless you are holding her and the second you put her down she will wake up.

I had a post-op appointment today and once I got her into her carseat with her screaming the entire time I broke down. I was apprehensive about taking her anywhere by myself but I figured that I need to just go for it especially since this was a quick there-and-back trip in between her meals and she could sleep or chill out while the doctor poked at my incision. Well, I didn’t make it. I called my mom sobbing and asked her to go with me to the doctor so she could help me with Avery. She sat in the backseat with her and then held her while I was at the doctor’s. I do have to mention that the instant I started the car Ave fell asleep. Jerk. Mom told me that a lot of babies like car rides so next time if she is fussy and I am about to go somewhere with her that I should just GO and she’ll calm down. She also slept when mom held her. The. Entire. Time. No fussing. I was happy that Ave had calmed down and was getting some sleep but at the same time I was jealous that she was sleeping and doing so well with my mom but she wouldn’t do it for me.

HOWEVER, I am typing this with a sleeping baby in my lap. Booyah! After my mom left I fed Avery on my bed with the lights out to try and set a quiet and sleepy mood. Then I laid down with her in the crook of my arm all bundled up and she eventually fell asleep and so did I. YAY! We slept for about two hours and hell, she’s sleeping again so I might join her in case we have a repeat of last night’s performance which I like to call ‘The Dance of Sleep Evasion.’ She slept for about twenty minutes at a time and then would wake up screaming until we picked her up. All she wanted was to be held which is totally great except that once we’d get her to fall asleep and set her back in her crib she’d wake up again. It was a nightmare. Poor JuJu had to go into the office today which means that his sleep-deprived ass is going to be at work all day instead of at home where he can at least sleep in a little later and be more relaxed. He will probably be grumpy when he gets home and I’ll feel guilty for getting to take a nap. But, I was home with her all day so really who deserves a break here?!

I think I’ll go back to sleep. This is just too nice to pass up!

Avery Ruth Phoenix C. was born via c-section on March 25, 2009 at 8:16pm. She weighed 5lbs. 8.8oz. and was 18.5 inches long. We thought she was born at 38 weeks but apparently based on the wrinkly-ness of her hands and feet she was probably 40 if not 41 weeks. She has strawberry blonde hair and right now her eyes look grayish blue.

I will post the birth story later. It took me two days just to post a few pictures. I fed Avery and she promptly fell asleep on my chest and while I could have put her down in order to post a blog I just couldn’t! She is so precious and little bitty and warm and I find it hard to put her down. I hold her constantly. JuJu spends a lot of time holding her too but he won’t take her from me which means that it’s almost a race to see who can pick her up first. I love her. And I think she loves me, too.

Today I had my very last pre-natal appointment! YAY! I hope that I am done peeing in a cup and having my doctor shove his hand up my vagina. The latter has got to be the most unpleasant feeling in the universe. Although I’m sure that whatever happens to my crotch over the next two days is going to be truly horrifying and I will feel like a crybaby for complaining about an internal exam.

It will all be worth it once I get to meet my Peanut and give her a big ol’ smooch on her little conehead.

I feel like there is still so much that JuJu and I still need to do before we go to the hospital tomorrow night. I wish that I was at home and not at my mom’s house because I need to clean! I know that I’m not supposed to but I can at least move some of Peanut’s stuff into our bedroom since that’s where she’ll be sleeping for awhile (well, while the in-laws are here and then once my sister and her daughter visit too since Peanut’s room was the guest room and I don’t want people sleeping in our living room).

I need to think about what I want to eat for my ‘last’ dinner tonight alone with JuJu. I am not allowed to eat past noon tomorrow so I think mom is going to make me one of my favorite dishes for lunch – chicken taco casserole! I think some people call it king ranch chicken casserole. Either way, it’s delish. I want some Dr. Pepper and maybe a cupcake and then I’ll be set. Maybe two cupcakes.

I’m ready. I think. What I’d like to do is go outside. Someone needs to accompany me to the park. I want some fresh air. Ooh, maybe mom’s wireless will work in her backyard. I can blog from the great outdoors!

My BP is high high high today – 182/102 was the reading that I got when I woke up this morning. I don’t know what else to do! At the hospital the nurses managed to get my BP down to around 130/70 which is the lowest it’s been since I got PIH (pregnancy-induced hypertension, also called gestational hypertension). Yet, when I’m at home and take a reading after sleeping for eight + hours it’s insanely high. Shouldn’t I be at my most relaxed? I sleep on my side like I’m supposed to and I usually don’t sleep under the covers because I don’t want to get too hot which will also raise my BP.

I am not going to pretend that I don’t do anything but lay around all day. That’s impossible for me. I can’t sit or lay down for longer than thirty minutes at a time because my joints start to hurt and that makes standing up kind of difficult. I’m like a newborn animal when I stand up – I’m wobbly and it’s kind of sad looking. I really want to clean the bathroom or at least do the dishes but if I start to do anything JuJu will stop me. It’s frustrating.

What I’d really like to do is go shopping today. Alone. By myself. I need to get plaster strips for belly cast attempt #2 and since JuJu is stuck at home because he has to work I might be able to get away with it. I’m not going to sneak out (I’m not a teenager, for fuck’s sake) but I would like to spend some time by myself since I haven’t been alone in a month. JuJu has been working from home and either he or my mom takes me to my doctor’s appointments. I am NEVER alone. In three days my life is going to completely change and I will not be able to go anywhere or do anything without taking the baby so I will definitely not be alone for the next eighteen years….. I just want some ME time. And I want it now.

Tomorrow morning my mother is going to take me to L&D so they can monitor my BP for an hour or so just like they did on Sunday night except that this time I was instructed by my doctor to do it. Hopefully I’ll be in and out and done with it so I can enjoy the rest of my weekend. Not that I have anything planned of course. JuJu has to work all weekend so I’ll pretty much do what I do during the week – nothing. Although since I’m not supposed to be doing anything anyway I guess it’s okay. I just wish that he and I could spend time together! It’s our last weekend alone for the rest of our lives and I wanted us to enjoy it. At least he works from home so we can still see each other.