I don’t generate any income for our household. My husband is the sole earner and that puts a lot of pressure on him. If he was to lose his job we would be screwed. We don’t have any savings anymore. I chose to not return to work not just because I couldn’t bear to leave Peanut with a stranger but because I hated my job. HATED. In the five years that I worked there I resigned four times but always retracted because I was scared. Thankfully JuJu gave me the go ahead to quit once my maternity leave was up and I did. Happily.

ANYWAY (I always go off on the I hated my job so much… tangent) we kind of needed my paycheck. We have two car payments, rent, cell phones, cable and internet, utilities, etc. and we have more money outgoing than we’ve got coming in. This led me to make a move with my 401K. As in, move it out of the market and into my checking account. It isn’t much but it is going to allow us to pay off one of our cars and two of our credit cards. By doing this we can afford for me to stay at home. I was so worried that I’d have to go back to work. It seems like every other week I hear something different from JuJu in regards to our finances. He is always stressed out about money and I’m sure losing half of our income is tough but we are totally nailing it right now. We are frugal (most of the time) and are trying to make good choices. It’s tough when you’re used to having a lot of extra cash to throw around but we are making it work.

I feel guilty that JuJu has to work all day at a job he isn’t totally fond of while I stay at home with Peanut. I don’t think he’d be able to handle being home with her all day every day. He knows that I don’t just sit around and if I do it’s not like I’m relaxing. I’m feeding her and keeping her entertained and dry and happy. I’m working, too. My boss just happens to be really cute and noisy.

Peanut is three months told today! Everyday she does something new and she gets bigger and bigger every time I look at her. It’s amazing and I’m still in awe of her. I can’t believe that three months ago she was inside of me and now here she is! She has almost doubled her weight – last time I weighed her on the scale at home she weighed 10 pounds. She may be little but she’s MY little girl! I love her so much and it amazes me that I do. I have said this before but growing up I never wanted to have children. Then I met JuJu and that loveable jerk fell in love with me and I fell in love with him and I finally got it – I wanted to have children with the man I love more than anything else in the world. And we did. And she’s beautiful.

Brand new!

One month old!

Two months old!

Three months old!

I made another batch of banana nut bread muffin-y thingies today. Instead of using sugar I pulverized some Granny Smith apples and put those into the mixture. This time it came out dense and very chewy but still pretty good even if it doesn’t resemble bread at all.

I found a recipe for a sugar free vegan carrot cake and cream cheese frosting that I think I’ll make tomorrow. The only way I will get better at baking is by actually baking. Isn’t that how that works? Practice makes perfect or whatever.

I would like to clarify that I am not vegan. I eat meat and dairy and I enjoy it however I don’t eat a lot of meat – JuJu and I eat chicken (I totally started typing ‘children’) almost every night if we eat any meat at all. Or fish. Only I’m not great at cooking fish. It is what it is. Anyway, I prefer vegan recipes because it generally makes the recipe a little healthier and it’s easier for me to swap out the ingredients that we shouldn’t be eating – like sugar. Adult-onset diabetes runs in my family so I need to make some changes now before it’s too late. It makes perfect sense to do it now since JuJu and I are eating healthier these days. We really are! I don’t feel like I’ve lost any weight yet but it isn’t about that (YES IT IS).

Thank you, Eddie Murphy.

My daughter is a night owl. It is currently 1:13am and I have been trying to get her to go to sleep since 11:30pm. I nursed her in the laying down position for over an hour and that didn’t help so here we are! On the sofa watching What Not to Wear and nursing her even though she isn’t hungry. The living room + television noise and light seems to help her go to sleep – I just wish it didn’t take this long to work. Most of the time she ends up looking up at me with that killer smile and cooing. How can I be frustrated about my lack of sleep when she does that? She’s a smooth operator.

With that said, GO TO SLEEP, DAMMIT!

Oh, and I swear to whomever that earlier when I told her that we were going into the living room to let daddy get some sleep she told me ‘no.’ Seriously.