Namaste, bitches

 MommyIsRockNRoll  12 Responses »
Apr 292010
 


Tonight I attended my first yoga class in almost three years.
 
Did it make me feel awesome? YES. YES IT DID.
 
The class was laid back (the teacher was wearing a Green Day tee shirt) and small so there was room to spread out. There is nothing worse than being all up in someone’s ass during warm-up poses. Even though it was my first class at this studio the teacher made sure she learned my name which isn’t a big deal but it kind of is to me. I remembered her name so I expect her to remember mine.
 
The routines were simple; We did two sun salutation variations and then some warrior poses. Apparently I suck at all of those things because the teacher corrected my form. A lot. It seemed like she was messing with me more than anyone else and that made me feel self conscious.
 
Oh, and I also held in a fart for the entire sixty-minute class so maybe that’s why my posture was off.
 
BECAUSE I WAS CLENCHING.
 
Other than feeling like the worst yogi in the class I enjoyed it. I wasn’t the fattest person in there which was a plus (oh shut up. You know you notice shit like that too) and it felt like I was among friends even though I had never seen these people before.
 
I plan on going back but I’ll make sure to eat light beforehand.

 
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 Posted by at 5:51 am

I’ll steal a carcass for you then feed off the virus

 MommyIsRockNRoll  3 Responses »
Apr 272010
 

Even though this is a blog about how fucking rock ‘n roll I am I don’t often talk about my passion for music and that doesn’t make a damn bit of sense.

My favorite band IN THE UNIVERSE is the Deftones. Seriously. I want to move to southern California in hopes of running into one of the band members or their wives at Trader Joe’s.

I set up an online vigil on my Myspace page when Chi Cheng, the band’s bassist, got into a car accident and fell into a coma (this was last year; He is still in a coma).

I listened to Saturday Night Wrist over and over and over. Except for “Pink Cellphone.” That track is just awful. Just. Fucking. Wrong.

Their music is significant in regards to my past and sometimes it’s difficult to listen to it if I’m feeling low or pissed off at Jacob. I get day-dreamy about the what-ifs and way-back-whens and the good times with you-know-who and that’s not a trip down memory lane I care to take. I am getting better at shoving him out of my head and at times I can’t even believe the fond memories still pop up every now and again.

This is not about he-who-is-not-to-be-named. This is about the mother fucking Deftones.

The unnamed kind of looks like Chino Moreno, the leader singer. Shut up. If I ever saw that asshole (unnamed, not Chino) I would flee in order to avoid getting arrested for beating the shit out of him.

THIS IS NOT GOING WELL.

It is hard for me to separate unnamed toolbox from this band I love. I hate that he attached himself to their music. His passion for film making, his steadfast loyalty to his family, his tiny dick. Sometimes when “Change in the House of Flies” comes on the radio I remember the first time I heard the song. I was in high school and my taste in music was questionable. It was the coolest fucking song I’d ever heard. And I got to enjoy it for three years before it was tainted.

I have seen this band of mine in concert only three times and every time I was BLOWN AWAY. Chino screams his ass off and dives off the stage and I melt. His passion and the noise created out of it fills my soul.

I will get to see them again on May first with my rockin’ dad (holla, @mikeact41!) and until then I will be drooling over the single from their newest album Diamond Eyes (which comes out May 4th if you care which you should because I do).
I want to elaborate more on this. I really do. I am still very guarded when it comes to certain things. There are scars that I just can’t show people.
ANYWAY. Deftones, FUCK YEAH!
 FTC [INSERT EYEROLL HERE]: I wasn’t compensated in any way for this post but I would LOVE some free Deftones swag and concert tickets. And maybe the band could stay at my house.  I can cook. No really, I CAN cook.
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 Posted by at 1:37 am

Vomiting out of my ass

 MommyIsRockNRoll  11 Responses »
Apr 202010
 

If you have been following my lazy vegan blog you know that I have been doing a “master cleanse” to rid my body of toxins and lose a little weight.

If you haven’t been following along, that’s what I’m doing. Shame on you.

Today I ended my cleanse and I am thirteen pounds lighter!

I learned a lot while on the cleanse:

  • I was living to eat instead of eating to live.
  • Nighttime is dangerous for me in terms of snacking. I need to start going to bed earlier.
  • I like lemonade but not forty gazillion glasses of it.
  • If I need to fart I should probably do it on the toilet. You know, just in case.
  • Losing three pounds in a single day may not be normal but it’s AWESOME.

I am pretty sure I went down a size in pants too. My Seven jeans finally fit which is a total WIN since my ass looks really good in them. I am finally out of the 200′s which feels amazing because it’s been two years since I’ve seen it this low. I have weighed less (much less) before so I am going to keep on keeping on by eating healthy and exercising. I am converting to veganism and will not purchase food products that aren’t natural. I can’t always buy organic because sometimes that shit is expensive.

Jacob and I are also going to build a vegetable garden in our backyard which will allow us to have fresh and organic fruits and vegetables (herbs too).

Big things are on the horizon for this tree hugger and her family.

 Posted by at 10:01 pm

Breaking the bond (alternate title: GIMME MY TITTIES BACK!)

 MommyIsRockNRoll  8 Responses »
Apr 182010
 

If you haven’t been following my updates on my newest project you should:

 
I am documenting my 10-day cleanse (did you know I was doing that?) as well as posting vegan recipes and articles I find that pertain to being green and vegan.
Now, onto the post!
———————————————————————
I have been nursing Avery with no supplementation since she was one month old. That means that for almost twelve months every three to four hours I have had a child attached to my breast. Specifically my child. I don’t nurse other people’s children. Just to clarify.
Breastfeeding has been a great experience for both of us. She needs me and I need her and we both enjoy it.
HOWEVER I am ready for this chapter of her life to end. I need my tits back. I love how easy it is to put her sleep but I will rock her to sleep if it means that I don’t have to nurse her anymore. I’m so done. I have been kind of weaning her by only nursing her when she asks for it (by tugging at my shirt) but now that she has started teething again I have been more lenient about whipping it out. She needs comfort and it’s the best way I know how to comfort her.
The time has come! Next Saturday night Avery will be spending the night at her grandparents’ house so that Jacob and I can have some quality alone time. It is going to be SWEET! The only problem is that I worry that she will become unbearable if she goes twenty-four hours without nursing. You can’t wean cold turkey. Otherwise it wouldn’t be called WEANING. Maybe this will be a good start to weaning. She’ll realize that she can live without it and so can I.
I just hope that I don’t have to spend half of the night hand expressing into the bathroom sink.

 
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 Posted by at 3:43 am

Strollin’ with the homies

 MommyIsRockNRoll  13 Responses »
Apr 162010
 
DUDES.
I currently push my poor little daughter around in the UGLIEST stroller ever made. I don’t even know what brand it is but it’s just awful. It’s also really hard to push.
Did I mention that it was ugly?
I have a $50 giftcard to Target so I figured that I would put that towards a new stroller but I need help in picking one out. The following are the ones I like. Help me pick one! Tell me in the comments section which one I should buy!
2. Safety 1st Aero Lite Deluxe
3. Go Go Babyz Urban Advantage

 
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 Posted by at 11:55 am

Mamas don’t let your babies grow up…..

 MommyIsRockNRoll  6 Responses »
Apr 152010
 
When we were expecting Avery we bought and were gifted 0-3 month clothes by the truckload.  She had the most extensive wardrobe I’d ever seen. Hell, she still does. In the weeks before she was born I washed, folded, hung up, and organized her clothes in her nursery. They waited in their fluffy pink cuteness to adorn my angel.

She was born. And she was TINY. Avery was only five and a half pounds when she was born and while she was full-term she was still very small. Since only preemie clothes would fit her we had to go shopping. The footie pajamas were so small and I couldn’t believe that she was so delicate.

Her wardrobe also included some 12 month-sized outfits and while holding my swaddled little Peanut in my arms I looked at these giant outfits and thought to myself, “She will never be big enough for these.”

Obviously that’s stupid because OF COURSE she’s going to grow. At the time it was hard to imagine my little baby growing at all and becoming, dare I say it, AN ADULT.

EW.

Now she’s a walking, talking, sassy little toddler with a personality and she’s wearing those 12 month clothes that I swore would never fit her.

I am never ready for the next step but it inevitably comes anyway.

 
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 Posted by at 10:15 pm

MOMMY’S Spring trend report or whatever

 MommyIsRockNRoll  6 Responses »
Apr 122010
 
1. MARC by Marc Jacobs pop bolt bangle – $28 (each)
2. MAC Pro Longwear lip stain marker in Tomorrow’s Coral – $16
3. Jeffrey Campbell black leather studded Greco sandal – $77
4. White bow splatter v-neck tee – $22
5. Tasha “I am so fabulous” bow headband – $38
6. INC International Concepts waterfall cardigan – $69
7. Black and red cherry and bow halter dress – $39
8. Juicy Couture large black canvas crest tote – $88
9. Seven Saints studded boyfriend romper – $64
Spring is here and over at the MIRNR house I am getting ready by trying on shorts I couldn’t wear last year (they still don’t fit) and shaving my legs (with a chainsaw to remove the bulk). I am a basic v-neck tee and skinny jeans kind of girl (I dazzle with accessories) but for spring I try to cute it up a little bit and add more color. I do recommend stocking up on deep v-neck tee shirts. These are a total must-have to keep you cool during the day and you can layer the shit out of them if you need warmth. I own one in every color except pink in which I own three. Also? Get some cute sandals. Please do not wear Crocs or flip flops outside of your house unless you are taking out the trash or checking your mail. I make this plea all of the time but seriously, do it for the children.
Now is also a good time to ditch your oversized leather handbag. Get something smaller and lightweight unless you want it to stick to you while you’re carrying it because you’re sweating under its heat and weight. Think about it.
OH! And I know you bigger chicks are looking at that romper and thinking OH HELL NO! My sister is a big girl and she tried one on and it looked really cute. And doesn’t it look comfy? I want to throw it on and wash my car or something else cute and 1970s-ish.
FTC BLAHBLAHBLAH: I wasn’t paid one stinkin’ dime for mentioning the above products but I should be getting paid. When is Lauren gonna get paid, bitches?!

 
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 Posted by at 6:50 am
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