I did not want to write a pre-BlogHer post because I don’t like reading them but as the time gets closer I get more nervous and feel like I should blog about it. Because, um, that’s what I do. As a blogger.
That’s why I’m attending this conference, right? To learn how to become a better writer? To network? Yes and no. I’m mostly going because it’s totally out of my comfort zone. Also, blogging is pretty much a free hobby unless you do shit like ATTEND CONFERENCES and then it ends up costing the same as your husband’s computer gaming hobby.
I am slightly freaked out about flying but what scares me more is that I’m flying alone. I am taking on the Big Apple (lame to the nth) all by myself. What this means is that as soon as I get there I better make fast friends or I’m going to be very lonely and miserable.
And that? Is ultimately the thing that scares me the most about this trip. I can tweet during the sessions and sit in the back and listen and I can wander around the hotel or take a walk outside during meals to avoid looking like the loser who has no one to sit with at lunch. But what am I supposed to do during the parties that I RSVP’d for? Not go? The thought of going to one of these events alone and not having anyone talk to me makes me anxious. I don’t know if I can handle that.
What if my roommates don’t like me? What if I end up becoming the third wheel? What if I have an ugly cry and everyone on my floor can hear me sobbing like a bastard?
I know that I’ll a lot get out of it if I put a lot into it but shit, if I can’t even leave my room there isn’t much of a chance of that happening.
I’m not good in unfamiliar social situations. I want to fix this but I don’t know how. I’m thinking about getting the phone numbers of some of the women I talk to on Twitter and that way I can text or call one of them if I need a friend. But what if none of them want to be my friend IN REAL LIFE? I’m okay to talk to on Twitter and you like me as long as I comment on your blog but once we’re thrown into a face-to-face social situation will you still like me?
And while this all sounds irrational and stupid it is still something that I’m kind of freaking out about.