I am pissed off.
I became a stereotype. My husband did too. I never thought that it would happen to us but alas, it has.
We are the sexless couple.
Obviously we’ve had sex at least once (um, I did bore a child). In fact, you nosy assholes, we used to have sex a lot. Well, not A LOT, but average. Even while I was pregnant we romped about three times a week.
Now? Notsomuch. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me. That’s a lie. I totally do. I feel unsexy. I have never been this heavy and being naked is not something I enjoy. I’m always tired. I had a child attached to my tits for over a year and now that I have them back it’s almost like I forgot their other purpose.
Enough of that shit. In an effort to not drive my husband into the arms and bed of another woman I have decided to spice things up! Yes! I, Lauren, will be more saucy. I will make a fucking effort for once.
Enter: the sex toy! A friend of mine sent me a We-Vibe and it rules. It has nine different vibration settings (some were downright painful but most? Excellent.) and even has a charger that plugs into the wall. You know, to use in the outlet behind your bed so that your kid doesn’t find it and use it as a teething toy.
Not that anything like that happened here. Right.
I loved that Jacob wasn’t threatened by having a vibrator join us. My guess is that if it was a 10″ lifelike dildo he probably wouldn’t have been as eager to try it on me. Whatever. It’s little, it’s cute and it feels really good.
Did it make me want to have sex more often? No. But it did spice things up a bit and that’s always nice.
Disclosure blah blah blah: I was given a We-Vibe in exchange for a review-type-thing. So there you go.