When the temperature starts creeping up (oh, who am I kidding? In Texas it goes from ice storms to 80* in less than a week) I generally dread what it entails in terms of clothing. I hate the way I look in shorts and sleeveless tops. Bathing suits? Sure, I’ll wear one but I’ll feel uncomfortable in it and stare like a creeper at the skinny moms in their two-piece suits who don’t appear to have actually carried children inside of their bodies. Am I jealous? Obviously. I have always been overweight but being happy in my own skin is not something I have yet to master. I envy big girls who own their size and exude confidence. This does not mean that I hate myself; I am incredibly self-involved and at times can be narcissistic. Some days I feel pretty or cute but I would always prefer to be a smaller size. Wouldn’t we all? This isn’t a revelation, of course. Most of us would rather be thinner or more in-shape. Once summertime comes the desire to be thin is amplified; bathing suit shopping is torture when you are chubby. The cute ones don’t seem to fit right and most “plus size” bathing suits look matronly and almost like you are wearing a dress. Sexy sunbather? No. GRANDMA? Yes. I have one bathing suit (not the one in the photo) that I’ve had for years and I love it. It’s as flattering as it can be and it makes me feel pretty. However, I fear that it won’t cut it once I’m hugely pregnant at the end of summer (which, in Texas, is September).
Actually, being pregnant this summer is a huge relief. I’m allowed to be big and won’t feel like I am some fat chick in a bathing suit. I am rarely the largest woman at the pool but that doesn’t mean that I don’t feel huge. This year, I can rock a cute bathing suit and not care what others think. Being pregnant gives me the confidence to dress cuter and carry myself with pride because hey, I made a person and I am kind of adorable with a big belly. Well, a bigger-than-normal belly.
After I have this baby I would love to lose weight and feel like a toned-up bad-ass but for now I’ll just enjoy being round and glowy. Besides, everything looks cute on you when you’re pregnant.