This morning I was driving Avery to her sitter’s and I got stuck behind a driver who clearly had no idea that the posted speed limit was actually 55 and NOT 35. I barked at the woman, knowing she couldn’t hear me, “Hey, bitch, it’s 55! Speed up or get out of the fucking way!” I really hate my commute and every moment that I have to spend in the car is hell. In the mornings I’m bummed that I have to get up and even go to work at all (grateful to have a job, I just wish that I didn’t have to drive there), and my drive home finds me tired and beat down.
Lately, Avery has been pleasant on our drives so it isn’t her fault that I’m in a sour mood during the hour there and back everyday. Chatting with her makes the drive bearable. Anyway, this morning we left the house kind of late which usually means that traffic will be a breeze because we’ve missed rush hour traffic in our part of town. If you are familiar with north Texas you’ll know that Interstate 35 is the WORST highway. It’s riddled with pot holes and the posted speed limit is 60 which is way too slow. However, it’s nearly impossible to accelerate above 50 mph since traffic is always dragging and the time of day doesn’t seem to matter.
Avery and I are cruising along a winding two-lane farm road and we get stuck behind Mrs. Slow Poke McDraggingass. Obviously, this isn’t a horn-honking offense so I shout at her which is really just for my benefit but it doesn’t help. Avery then says to me, “Mom, you shouldn’t use bad words.”
Damn. She’s right. Part of me was thinking BUT I’M AN ADULT! I’VE EARNED THIS! but I knew she was so right. Why do I feel the need to shout expletives at a random stranger who can’t even hear me? What good does that do me? I acknowledged Avery’s statement and replied with, “You’re right, baby, and I need to work on that. Can you help me?” And of course she emphatically nodded her head.
Once we turned onto the service road of I-35 and it was too late to take an alternate route I saw the traffic backed up and stopped. Shit. SHIT SHIT SHIT. Did I say it out loud? Nope. I think I said, “Well, that’s just great,” but I didn’t curse. Apparently, there was a fender bender that didn’t look serious at all but it was worth blocking two of the three lanes and forcing cars to bottleneck until we got passed the wreckage. Avery didn’t comment on me not cursing at this moment but hopefully she’ll appreciate that, because of her suggestion, I have decided to not be such a raging bitch while I’m on the road.
We’ll see how long I can actually stick to this new way of handling stress on my beating of a commute. Maybe I need to listen to relaxing music and ocean sounds while I’m in the car. Wish me luck.