Screw you, Charley, and the horse you rode in on.

I am afflicted on an almost-nightly basis with what is commonly referred to as a Charley horse. I get them every couple of nights and the pain is intense enough to not only wake me up but nearly bring me to tears. Sometimes, I’ll even wake up Jacob so he can massage the offending calf muscle until it loosens up. Basically? It really f’ing hurts. I have been given all sorts of advice about this problem and been told to eat pretty much every kind of fruit you can think of in addition to DRINK MORE WATER.

I’m eating at least one apple and one banana everyday plus drinking nearly 100 ounces of water (that’s a lot of trips to the bathroom). I faithfully take my prenatal vitamin which is chock-full of nutrients.

And yet? I STILL GET CHARLEY HORSES. I have decided to use the opportunity to practice my Hypnobabies techniques since I figured that a Charley horse is probably less painful than a contraction would be; it would be a good way to try out what I’ve learned when I’m actually feeling SOMETHING other than complete relaxation. It’s easy to put yourself under and stay under hypnosis when everything is peachy-keen.

This pregnancy has been pretty easy so far but man, the leg cramps are awful. I also have some pelvic joint discomfort but I’m trying papaya enzymes for that little nuisance. Basically, my legs are jerks and I already kind of walk with a waddle which is embarrassing since I’m only six months along.