August 2012 | lauren blogs... sometimes.

Oh yeah, stuff happened and then more stuff.

Aug 292012

Things I will probably write about as soon as I have the energy (or photographs):

My baby shower
The birthing class Jacob & I took
My new title as ‘freelance writer’ (yes, I still have my full-time job too)
Waddling
How cute and petite my ankles are
A comparison of this pregnancy so far to my last pregnancy (riveting stuff! Or not!)
Why, on some days, I’d rather have another dog than my daughter (it’s a joke!)
The new baby’s stuff is taking over our house and he’s not even born yet
Braxton Hicks contractions are f’ing awesome (seriously)

Can I just consider this the blog post for all of those things and call it a day? I’m really tired, y’all. I made a ‘cleaning schedule’ for us to follow in order to get the house all organized and sparkly so that it’ll be clean when the baby comes. We haven’t done shit on that list. We maintain the dishes and the laundry (the laundry is always a problem in thie house; we have millions of baskets so who needs to actually put clothes away?) but organizing? That isn’t happening. When I get home from work I pretty much strip down to what I can get away with so I don’t burn myself while cooking dinner in hopes of feeling comfortable. I hate bras, I hate pants, I hate clothes PERIOD. Everything I wear feels restricting and suffocating. Even leggings bother me these days. LEGGINGS! AS PANTS! ARE! NOT! COMFORTABLE! What is wrong with me? If I could wear one of Jacob’s tee shirts, granny-sized skivvies, and my moccasins to work everyday then maybe, MAYBE, I’d feel okay. I spend a lot of my day fidgeting with my clothes and I’m tired of it. I have some maternity shorts that are mostly comfortable but I try not to wear shorts to work all the time since it isn’t exactly within our already laxed dress code.

I’m really just quite tired of doing anything other than soaking in a bath or sleeping. Everything else is bullshit and I’m done.

Perhaps I shouldn’t write a blog post while I’m still in a bitchy mood.

Too late. Publish!

Sleep: I’ve heard it’s nice.

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Aug 222012

I am at the point in my pregnancy where sleeping becomes as valuable and elusive as it will be once the little bugger is born and I become a living, breathing snack machine. Thankfully, I fall asleep quickly so that isn’t where I struggle. When I feel like it’s time to turn off the lights I put my book away and get myself situated with my umpteen pillows and make sure the dog is comfy too since he sleeps under the covers next to my feet. Once we’re all tucked in, I’m out. I used to have a hard time falling asleep but not these days. Now? I crash. If I could, I would go to bed at eight o’clock every night. I’d leave Avery and Jacob in the living room where they are probably watching the same movie that we watched the night before. I wouldn’t assist with bath and story time, either; I would ditch those suckers and hit the sack. I can’t exactly do that (or can I? Maybe I’ll have to try it. I am pregnant, after all, and it’s best to let the mom-to-be get as much rest as possible. Insert evil scheming laugh here.). So when it is time to go to bed, I usually stay up for another hour reading my latest Nook purchase and once I start to have difficulty keeping my eyes open I shut everything down and go to sleep. Well, after I get up and pee for the seventieth time that day, of course. It isn’t long after I’m asleep that I feel like rolling onto my other side. I have a lot of pressure bearing down on my side, and even with my assortment of pillows wedged around me I can’t maintain comfort in one spot for too long. However, I can’t just simply roll over. Before, when I wasn’t carrying a huge mass in my midsection, I could change positions and remain sleeping. There was no need to wake up just to roll over because my body could do it effortlessly.

NOT ANYMORE.

Now, if I want to roll over, it’s a huge ordeal. I wake up, which sucks because I’m probably in some pain at this point from being in one position for too long (too long is of course an indeterminate amount of time but is really about an hour and a half to two hours). I have to then move my pillows out of the way which is a struggle when you have no strength; apparently, your muscles begin to atrophy while sleeping. Then, I fall onto my back (timberrrrrrrrr!) and hopefully have enough momentum to make it onto my other side without much exertion. I usually have to push myself the rest of way since I often get stuck on my back like a turtle on its shell. Once I’ve made it to the other side (phew!), I have to rearrange my pillows again and it has to be done just right. I can’t use my fluffy pillow between my knees- that’s where the memory foam pillow goes since it holds its shape better and gives me more support. During this exhausting task, the dog escapes out from under the covers out of fear that he might get a kick to the face or be smothered by a wayward pillow. I always look over at Jacob, hoping that I haven’t woken him up this time. He needs his sleep too. Sometimes, I wish that he would wake up when I do so we could share a moment of, “You’re awake in the middle of the night too? Let’s snuggle for a bit before returning to our respective sides, love.”

This amazing bedroom ballet routine occurs a few times every night, and every time I have to repeat the performance it gets harder to go back to sleep. By 6:30am I am grumpy and most definitely not ready to get up. Except, of course, that by this time I have to pee so I have no choice but to get out of bed. My bladder has become my alarm clock and it’s worse than any electronic beep or flashing red digits. You can only hit the snooze on your bladder so many times before you cross the line from I should get up and pee to SHIT, I AM GOING TO WET THE BED IF I DON’T GET UP.

Don’t be mistaken, friends. I still wake up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, but it isn’t always when I wake up to readjust and roll over. So, you can add at least one bathroom break to the tally of sleep disturbances.

Sometimes, I’ll wake up in the middle of the night because I’m thirsty. I hate drinking in the middle of the night because I know that it won’t be long before I will have to get up and use the bathroom. By ignoring my thirst, I’m killing two birds with one stone. And at 3am? I really fucking hate birds.

Just write.

writing 2 Responses »

Aug 202012

[source]

I feel like I have so much spinning around in my head and I want to just write it down- not type, WRITE. I need to keep a small journal or notebook nearby at all times because when a thought or idea comes flying at me I am often unprepared and forget to jot it down. I have been thinking a lot lately about my book and how I want to just start working on it but apparently there’s a step before that that involves pitching your book idea to a publisher or something like that. Why would a publisher buy a book if it isn’t even written yet? Clearly, I don’t know a damn thing about publishing but perhaps I should figure it out if I ever want to see my writing on a shelf in a book store (or, more likely, on a Kindle or Nook).

These days, do you have to be a “big-name” blogger like Scary Mommy or Dooce? Do you need a popular column on a popular site? Do you need to be reality-show famous? If you’re just a little guy can you still get a book deal and get your words out there? Is self-publishing the only way to get a book out there if you don’t fall somewhere on the fame spectrum?

I guess I’ll figure it out but in the meantime I should probably just write.

Halloween is coming soon!

family 1 Response »

Aug 152012

YOU GUYS. Halloween is in 78 days. While this doesn’t seem like a day that’s looming around the corner I assure you, dear friends, it will sneak up on us! It will be autumn before we know it (even if, in Texas, it will still feel like summer) and then BAM! Halloween. It’s my favorite holiday and one that my family takes very seriously. We treat the day as if it were Christmas with regards to decorations and the food. Every year, we go to my dad’s house and have a potluck fit for any major holiday except instead of pie for our dessert? CANDY! And pumpkin-shaped sugar cookies with thick, orange icing, homemade haystacks, and really, I could go on but now I’m starving and craving some sweets. Thanks, self!

Every year, Jacob and I try to come up with costume ideas that create a theme. Our first Halloween together, we created an 80s-inspired hair band called The Sexy Pistol Whippers. We even had tee shirts made up with a logo that Jacob created and handed them out at a huge costume party we attended. Jacob resembled Slash and me? I looked like a ginger Lita Ford. Or maybe a chubby Pat Benatar. Then, we went as a surgeon and a zombie obstetrician complete with a two-headed mutant baby prop that freaked out my mom. Epic. I attended my sister’s Halloween-themed baby shower dressed this way. It was a huge hit albeit a little morbid.

For our first Halloween as a family of three, Jacob dressed as the surgeon again while I was some random broad in a crazy pink wig. We didn’t put much thought into it that year since money was tight and I guess it snuck up on us. Avery’s costume was awesome, though. She went as The Very Hungry Caterpillar and she was so cute. My mom and I made the costume the day before Halloween. In 2010, Jacob dressed as Jesus (with a beard like that it’s inevitable that he’d dress as the big guy and I don’t mean Santa), I went as the devil, and Avery was a pumpkin. Okay, that isn’t a theme. Maybe we suck at themes. But every little kid has to be a pumpkin at some point. Last year, Jacob went as Han Solo and Avery was Yoda. I was supposed to be Princess Leia but the white dress my mom whipped up for me made me look huge and since I resembled Jaba the Hutt over the Princess I opted to bail on our Star Wars-themed costume idea. Instead, I dressed as Rosie the Riveter. I looked adorable.

This year, since we are adding another member to our family who will need a costume, we decided that a Dr. Seuss theme would be perfect. Avery is currently obsessed with reading Dr. Seuss books. She doesn’t have all of them but her collection grows exponentially every time I swing by the second-hand book store. I think it would be so much fun if Jacob dressed as the Cat in the Hat while Avery and Filbert went as Thing 1 and Thing 2. The “Thing” costume would be easy to make and comfortable for a newborn baby to wear. Instead of a big blue wig I can always get or make a blue knit beanie with some super-fluffy yarn. As for my costume? I guess I could go as Sally, one of the children from the book. That would be a simple costume of pigtails and a blue romper. I can’t really get too crazy since my costume will have to be easy to nurse in as well as hold a tiny bebeh all evening. I can probably incorporate my Moby wrap into the costume too since it’s light blue. And, I haven’t forgotten about our sweet little dog, Dude! He will OF COURSE be the voice of reason from the book- The Fish. He hated wearing a harness-style collar so I’m sure keeping a costume on him all night will be futile. It’ll be worth it for a photograph and then I’ll leave him alone.

Doesn’t that sounds so damn cute? I am already looking online for how to make all of the costumes as well as getting spooky home decor ideas. Seriously, it’s the most wonderful time of the year and even before I had children I loved Halloween. I know that a lot of people stop celebrating once they get too old to trick-or-treat but I guess I missed the memo on that! I think that dressing up and having fun with your friends (but nothing dangerous, of course!) is what Halloween is all about. I mean, that’s not what it’s REALLY about but aside from the historical meaning of Halloween having fun is the objective.

Okay, and the candy. By the first week of November I will have eaten my weight in candy corn and had no regrets.

(Super sorry for the shitty photo quality. We don’t seem to spend much time taking photos during the Halloween festivities so the ones we do get tend to be a little blurry. I blame the pumpkin-flavored beer for that.)

Pregnancy update: 30 weeks

family, writing 4 Responses »

Aug 132012

When I first titled this post I typed “35 weeks” insead of “30 weeks” and when I read it I was like WHOA, already? Then I realized that I’m a moron. Or, at the very least I have pregnancy brain, which is a very real condition. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

I am feeling pretty tired lately which is probably a result of not getting a full-night’s rest. On a good night I will only wake up once to go to the bathroom but on the average night I wake up three or four times or am just generally restless. It’s getting harder to get comfortable and I feel like no amount of pillows wedged in between my knees or shoved under my back will help. I still have a ways to go and don’t remember struggling to stay asleep this early in the game last time. It doesn’t do me any good to compare this pregnancy to my first but I do it all the time anyway. Usually, this one comes out on top but in terms of sleep? Notsomuch. I fall asleep easily while listening to my Hypnobabies session but I can’t stay asleep all night. Every time I have to move, I wake up. Apparently, I move a lot.

Other than being tired I feel pretty good. My blood pressure is normal, there are no proteins in my urine, my weight-gain is steady, and overall I’m pretty healthy. My clothes are getting tighter since the baby is getting HUGE but I get by on my constantly-dwindling wardrobe. My uniform lately is a pair of leggings or shorts paired with an oversized men’s oxford dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up. I don’t have a photo of this ensemble but maybe I should. I really could write an entire post dedicated to this particular look.

ANYWAY, my rings still fit on my fingers and my ankles are still as slender as ever (it’s the only body part I have that can be described as slender). I am in nesting mode (finally!) and this past week Jacob and I spent time working on our master bedroom. We have a long ways to go to get the house baby-ready but we’re getting there.

Jacob and I are taking a private birthing preparation class next Friday evening at the birth center. It sounds fancy, so private, oooh, but it’s actually pretty cheap. I guess this particular educator just prefers private lessons over group classes. It should be fun and informative.

Also, our baby sprinkle is next weekend! I can’t wait to be around all of our friends and family while they give us gifts and money. Just kidding. We are going to have a make-your-own taco bar and probably some delicious homemade Sangria (that I can’t have but whatever). This weekend, I am meeting with my mom and two of my closest friends to discuss the details of the party and to round up supplies and decor. I love planning parties and this one is going to be awesome and not just because it’s for me. Maybe a little.

Previous updates: 10 weeks, 15 weeks, 20 weeks, 25 weeks

The one where I ramble about packing another bag.

writing 6 Responses »

Aug 102012

I did a Google search for “birth center packing list” since most of the lists I’ve found were for hospital births and, as most of us know, birth centers and hospitals are very different places. At the birth center, you won’t be there for 3-5 days (hallelujah!) and you can be free to roam, eat, and wear whatever you want. It’s going to be frickin’ awesome.

I found a packing list on a doula’s blog and at the bottom she mentions packing another bag to keep in the car in case you have to be transferred to a hospital. Whoa. I know that it isn’t a likely scenario but I have only thought about the possibility of going to the hospital once since switching to the birth center; during the tour of the BC the head midwife brought it up and told the moms-to-be (including me) about the various contingency plans and how most of them usually play out under normal-but-serious circumstances. When she explained the back-up plans I thought, “Cool, they have a plan in case something bad happens but nothing bad is going to happen.” My mom, who was with me during the tour, was obviously reassured because (at the time) in her mind there is no way that things can go smoothly without interventions and drugs. I think she has come around and is warming up to the idea of doing it the old fashioned way which is nice but irrelevant since it’s my birth, not anyone else’s.

ANYWAY, packing a separate bag for the hospital? Is this one of those times when you prepare for the worst or just assume that everything will be fine and NOT pack an extra bag? I don’t want to be ready in case something goes wrong. That might sound naive or stupid but it’s so important to me to be positive and anything involving the hospital is not positive (at least to me).

What would you do? Pack more stuff just in case?

On Writing.

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Aug 082012

All I want to do is write.

I have been good at one thing my entire life (since I learned how to properly hold a pencil, of course) and that’s writing.

While some may disagree when I claim to be a good writer (keep it to yourself), I happen to think that I have some sort of skill and/or talent. Not only that, but I HAVE to write. It pains me to stay quiet. When I get my thoughts out on paper or onto the computer I feel better. I can remove pounds and pounds of baggage just by letting my fingers hammer away for twenty minutes onto my worn-down laptop keyboard. I recently posted on a popular blog where anyone can sign up and spill out the contents of their heads and hearts and do so anonymously while a large audience reads, commiserates, and comments. Once the post was live I showed it to my husband who then asked (even though he already knew the answer), “Why did you share that”? It was about the drama that my family has been drowning in since last November. I knew that I couldn’t write about it on my own blog (certain people read my blog hoping to find something but I’m mostly just surprised that either of them even know how to read) but I had to put it out there somewhere. Thank deity for anonymous blog posts. I will no doubt submit content again for it really was a lightening experience.

And that’s what writing is for me. I can’t not write. And if no one reads it except for my dad that’s okay because at least it’s out of my head. Besides, he’s my biggest fan (hi, daddy!).

The other day I was taking a shower and I had an idea for a book that I’d like to write. I’ve never really thought about writing an entire book before because the idea of it sounds overwhelming – I can write blog posts, articles, whatever, but an entire book? Shit, that’s a lot of words all strung together. In the past I decided that a book wasn’t going to happen because fiction isn’t my thing. I am creative but I just never saw myself as a fiction writer. I always thought it would be fun to write a series of chick-lit novels for ladies to pack into their gym bags or share over coffee with friends. Cheeky little novels about a modern-day heroine in some big city who has man problems, job problems, a shoe addiction, etc., and she’d somehow turn it all around and end up living happily ever after. There are millions of books like this out there and some of them are hilarious, well-written, and moving. Clearly, I have talked myself out of this novel-writing before I’ve even begun.

Back to the shower. I had an idea for a book and while I’m not going to share it because I’m a jerk I will say that I’m so excited about it. The writing hasn’t begun because I’m trying to figure out how to even go about getting a book deal or if self-publishing is the way to go. I have begun doing research and will hopefully get some tangible thoughts down soon.

So yeah. SQUEE!!

An Open Letter To Summer.

writing 4 Responses »

Aug 062012

Dear Summer,

I know that you still have at least another month to go but I need to talk to you about something.

Please go away. I’m over you. In Texas, it remains unbearably hot all throughout August and September is toasty too but I’m asking you to please stop.

My family has had a great summer and we are grateful for your bright, sunny days and occasional bit of rain. It hasn’t been TOO hot this year so thanks for that. We have enjoyed swimming every weekend, getting tans, eating snow cones, and even making a week-long trip to the beach. We truly had a fun-filled summer. We even used our grill! Seriously, it’s been great.

Now I’m asking you to kindly step aside and let autumn come on down. I’m tired of wearing shorts (leggings are way too hot) and tank tops. Trendy sandals are not comfortable and make my arches hurt. I want to wear boots again. And sweaters. Not to mention how stinkin’ cute my toddler looks in a sweater dress and tights. Don’t you want us to be precious again? She’s always cute but me? I look much better in cooler weather gear. Bathing suits and I aren’t exactly besties (although having an excuse to have a gut this summer has been nice). You know who loves me? Warm, orangey tones. And black. I miss wearing black.

Anyway, I’m not saying that I want the clock to fast-forward to October. What I AM saying is this: take it down a notch. In my family we don’t have a school schedule dictating when summer is officially over so it’s up to you.

Love,

Lauren

California King Bed.

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Aug 042012

No, this isn’t a post about the Rihanna song (which I’ve never even heard but when I do a search for “California King Bedding” on Google half of the search results come up with something related to that song). This is about my bed. These days, I’m feeling so drained that when I go to bed at night I fall asleep thinking that tomorrow will be better. Somehow, I’m going to wake up feeling amazing and rejuvenated. It doesn’t happen.

I have zero energy lately and it sucks. My eating habits are fine, I do my best to exercise or at least go for a walk every day, and I take my vitamins. I meditate and try to stay positive but something is dragging me down. What is wrong with me? Hormones? Could it really just be hormones? Jacob says that I seem a bit more snippy and short-tempered lately. That isn’t what I want to hear. I thought that I was really trying hard to be more pleasant but apparently not. He’s on bitch patrol – I told him that it’s his job to correct me when I’m copping an attitude or not handling things as gracefully and calmly as I should.

I’m just wondering when I’m going to feel like nesting- you know, that boost of energy and the urge to clean all of the things before the baby comes. Aside from maintaining the laundry and dishes, I don’t feel the need to dust, organize, de-clutter, etc. I told Jacob that my goal for this month is to finish our bedroom and make it look nice since at some point soon strangers will be in our house with (hopefully) the intent of buying it. He said, “Okay,” which I interpreted as BUY NEW SHEETS AND CURTAINS AND NIGHTSTANDS AND LAMPS AND ARTWORK! So that’s kind of what I’m going to do. Shopping is easy- it’s the cleaning and de-cluttering that will be challenging. But when I’d rather lay in bed for the majority of the weekend it’s hard to see how I’ll ever feel motivated to get shit done.

Until then, I’ll just get as much rest as I can since once Filbert arrives sleep will be in very short supply. I (vaguely) remember getting very little sleep in those first ~~twelve~~ few months but somehow I managed to function. Since I have little desire to do much else, it looks like I’ll be quite the well-rested woman minus getting up every couple of hours at night to pee or shake off a Charley horse or wedge yet another pillow in between my knees or under my back.