I am at the point in my pregnancy where sleeping becomes as valuable and elusive as it will be once the little bugger is born and I become a living, breathing snack machine. Thankfully, I fall asleep quickly so that isn’t where I struggle. When I feel like it’s time to turn off the lights I put my book away and get myself situated with my umpteen pillows and make sure the dog is comfy too since he sleeps under the covers next to my feet. Once we’re all tucked in, I’m out. I used to have a hard time falling asleep but not these days. Now? I crash. If I could, I would go to bed at eight o’clock every night. I’d leave Avery and Jacob in the living room where they are probably watching the same movie that we watched the night before. I wouldn’t assist with bath and story time, either; I would ditch those suckers and hit the sack. I can’t exactly do that (or can I? Maybe I’ll have to try it. I am pregnant, after all, and it’s best to let the mom-to-be get as much rest as possible. Insert evil scheming laugh here.). So when it is time to go to bed, I usually stay up for another hour reading my latest Nook purchase and once I start to have difficulty keeping my eyes open I shut everything down and go to sleep. Well, after I get up and pee for the seventieth time that day, of course. It isn’t long after I’m asleep that I feel like rolling onto my other side. I have a lot of pressure bearing down on my side, and even with my assortment of pillows wedged around me I can’t maintain comfort in one spot for too long. However, I can’t just simply roll over. Before, when I wasn’t carrying a huge mass in my midsection, I could change positions and remain sleeping. There was no need to wake up just to roll over because my body could do it effortlessly.
Now, if I want to roll over, it’s a huge ordeal. I wake up, which sucks because I’m probably in some pain at this point from being in one position for too long (too long is of course an indeterminate amount of time but is really about an hour and a half to two hours). I have to then move my pillows out of the way which is a struggle when you have no strength; apparently, your muscles begin to atrophy while sleeping. Then, I fall onto my back (timberrrrrrrrr!) and hopefully have enough momentum to make it onto my other side without much exertion. I usually have to push myself the rest of way since I often get stuck on my back like a turtle on its shell. Once I’ve made it to the other side (phew!), I have to rearrange my pillows again and it has to be done just right. I can’t use my fluffy pillow between my knees- that’s where the memory foam pillow goes since it holds its shape better and gives me more support. During this exhausting task, the dog escapes out from under the covers out of fear that he might get a kick to the face or be smothered by a wayward pillow. I always look over at Jacob, hoping that I haven’t woken him up this time. He needs his sleep too. Sometimes, I wish that he would wake up when I do so we could share a moment of, “You’re awake in the middle of the night too? Let’s snuggle for a bit before returning to our respective sides, love.”
This amazing bedroom ballet routine occurs a few times every night, and every time I have to repeat the performance it gets harder to go back to sleep. By 6:30am I am grumpy and most definitely not ready to get up. Except, of course, that by this time I have to pee so I have no choice but to get out of bed. My bladder has become my alarm clock and it’s worse than any electronic beep or flashing red digits. You can only hit the snooze on your bladder so many times before you cross the line from I should get up and pee to SHIT, I AM GOING TO WET THE BED IF I DON’T GET UP.
Don’t be mistaken, friends. I still wake up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, but it isn’t always when I wake up to readjust and roll over. So, you can add at least one bathroom break to the tally of sleep disturbances.
Sometimes, I’ll wake up in the middle of the night because I’m thirsty. I hate drinking in the middle of the night because I know that it won’t be long before I will have to get up and use the bathroom. By ignoring my thirst, I’m killing two birds with one stone. And at 3am? I really fucking hate birds.