I wrote the following for this group presentation that my office had to do for our company’s nine different pillars of ‘culture.’ My group was assigned passion and the four of us have to stand in front of the rest of our coworkers and talk about it. I hate public speaking so much that just thinking about it makes me sick. This is what I wrote to read aloud:
Passion is essential when you are an artist. You can’t be an artistic without it! I have to be self-motivated and find inspiration in order to write every day. When you have passion for what you do it won’t feel like work and isn’t that what we all strive for?
Some days I may have to deal with tasks that aren’t as fun as writing but my passion for my work helps me get through it. I know that I am helping my team achieve its goals. If I didn’t have passion for my job it would be unbearable. In my previous career I was not as successful as I could have been because I hated what I was doing. I lacked passion for it. After deciding to pursue a career doing what I love I realized that no matter what I was writing about I would do it with passion. Otherwise, it’s just a job. And who wants that?
I am passionate about throwing up in a trash can and hiding in the bathroom. God, I hate this. Maybe I am building this up in my head when it really isn’t going to be that bad. I will be standing in front of people, most of whom I like or at least don’t know well enough to dislike. No one will be judging me (oh, who am I kidding? OF COURSE they’ll be judging me) but knowing that still makes me scared. During our run-through I read my script, staring hard at the piece of paper in my hands. I didn’t glance up once during my two paragraphs of drivel, of masturbatory rhetoric, while delivering it to my assigned group. I am a writer- NOT a performer. Can’t I just write and be left alone? This exercise is not only unnecessary but it’s a total waste of our time. You cannot force culture so I am not sure what our CEO is hoping to get out of these presentations. Is he hoping to be inspired? Does he feel like he’s losing control? During the first group’s presentation last week he kept interrupting the presenters to ask questions and make accusatory remarks. It was as if he was trying to get people to place blame on others or admit to wrong-doing. It was bizarre. All I can say is that this should be interesting.
I better take my trash can with me. Just in case.